Tag: techniques

Self Caring When You Are Self Hating

No one ever told me that self hatred would be the thing that stopped me functioning. We talk about depression and anxiety, but their most powerful associate hides in us all. If you have too much of it self hatred is potent. Hating yourself can stop you from getting dressed, eating healthy foods and it can make you punish yourself. The truth is that if you completely loathe who you are it becomes impossible to live in between the lines and complete basic tasks.

The only weapon you can use in combat against self hatred, I’ve been told, is a compassionate approach. It sounds straight forward but if you are a sack full of self deprecation it is really difficult to face the world. By making an effort to self care you can stop yourself deteriorating physically and emotionally.  So you have to make yourself do things that might help- like having a bubble bath or going for a walk outside. You’ve got to do what it takes to make your body feel loved; even if your brain tells you that it isn’t deserved and you feel drained

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Self care can range from maintaining the basics of being alive (keeping yourself hydrated, fed and rested) to more creative methods (like putting on some nice moisturiser or buying yourself a treat). It can also mean doing things that simply need doing for the sake of your wellbeing- like tidying up, making phone calls or booking a GP appointment.

I’ve not mastered self care yet. Some days even doing something I really want to do feels painful. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be in my own skin. It doesn’t feel right treating myself nicely when my skin is crawling and I feel so disgusting. But it is a skill that I, and everyone else, should learn. So right now I’m going to try and look after myself until I feel a bit better. If you are feeling bad right now I challenge you to do the same.

A mouse sitting in a chair with her cup of tea and toenails painted. Copyright.

What things do you do to self care?

 Did Somebody Say DBT?

Recently I’ve been having assessments to see if I’d benefit from a therapy programme that uses DBT and Mindfulness. After many worksheets and conversations I have been put forward for a full programme. This means one skills group and one 1:1 session a week for about a year.

What is DBT?

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy is all about breaking down negative and destructive cycles and creating better ways of coping for yourself. It has foundations in Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and allows people to develop a more in depth understanding of their negative thought and behaviour cycles. It involves practical skills of how to take action to avoid dangerous behaviour. It is also about helping you to accept your struggles as part of the make up of who you are, but not your whole definition.

The Assessments

What came over very strongly during the assessments was how much hard work DBT involves. It means two sessions, plus my CPN appointment and then homework on top- every week! From what I gather it seems the skills need to be practiced near constantly (even when they aren’t required) in order for them to develop into instinct at times of need. It’s about acknowledging the problems you have, why they may be valid, why they may not, and finding strategies to overcome them.

During the assessments I had to talk about some very difficult things that I find painful. The assessment is important because it ensures that you are suitable and will benefit from the therapy. I think the wonderful Ruby Etc. shows the trouble in seeking help from services perfectly in this diagram. In mental health services you are either ‘too mad’, ‘or not mad enough’. Luckily(?) for me during this assessment it appears I struck the middle ground.

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I’ve wanted for a while to include more help and advice on Upside Down Chronicles. I’d like to be able to share skills and strategies with others and enable people to try techniques for themselves. I know how hard it is to get the help from services, so maybe getting second hand skills from UDC might just help someone. Obviously I’ll be writing as a person experiencing the therapy- not as a therapist or expert myself.  I don’t know when there will be a space for me to start the course, but I am very excited to be finally offered some formal help.

If you want to have a look and a head start, the book the programme uses has been published online for free here.