Endings and beginnings come and go whether we are open to them or not. Though you feel like you don’t want the end to come sometimes a new beginning can bring things you could never imagine.
There’s been a lot of endings and beginnings since I blogged last.
The placement where I was living didn’t go as planned and once again I found myself in a situation where my life was in the hands of social services. It was a horrible, sickening, few months of not knowing where I was going to end up and not really belonging anywhere. It felt familiar to when I couldn’t leave hospital because I had nowhere to go and so it brought up a lot of difficult feelings. I got a new social worker who literally pieced my life back together and then I was able to say goodbye to her. A happy goodbye, because she found me somewhere great to live and be. A home.
My psychiatric nurse of two years retired. That was a sad ending because she has been a massive support to me during some very turbulent times. She was a fantastic nurse and I really landed on my feet to be assigned to such a caring and committed professional. I’ve also met my new psychiatric nurse, which so far looks like another positive new beginning.
Among the new beginnings is a massive one on the horizon. I have an offer to study Occupational Therapy at the university I’ve desperately wanted to go to for years. It’s another new beginning on the horizon and it’s scary but I’m ready to grasp it. It’s time.
I don’t know where I’m going with this site at the moment. I feel very emotionally attached to Upside Down Chronicles still, but I don’t feel like sharing my mind online in times of turmoil is much use to anyone. During a few of the more recent dark times I have thought about writing it all out here, but then stopped because I don’t want to overshare. Instead I think I will blog about specific things that have happened in my journey, but with the clarity and abilities of hindsight. I think that there is great strength in personal narrative, but at the same time I don’t want readers to worry about me, in the way that I have often felt about other people on social media. So maybe a more reflective approach is the way I will go, hoping to raise awareness but also share practical things that can help people with mental health conditions cope. The message I love receiving every time is the one which says thank you for making me feel less alone. If I can make one person feel less alone with their mental illness using this blog then I’m a happy blogger. In my absence from here I have been doing a lot of mouse drawings on instagram @UpsideDownChronicles, which I think I will integrate into this blog as a lot of them are mental health related. But you, whoever you are reading this, are massively important in where Upside Down Chronicles goes. If you could answer the poll below I would be really grateful, you can choose multiple options then press vote.