Tag: confusion

For The Mental Health Team Teach Me So.

When she picked up my call two days later I was covered in glue from trying to stick the jagged shards of myself back into an almost human-like form. I’d been rebuffed by people I trusted, dramatically shortened said list of trusted people and shattered into a thousand pieces.


A meeting had taken place which I had not been invited to. It was about my care, the roles of the professionals around me (which I am forever being told I misinterpret) and setting goals for my recovery. Why couldn’t I be involved in this? What did they not want me to hear? They tell me to be responsible for my recovery but give no opportunities for me to do so. ┬áThe summary I got from my co-ordinator involved the words ‘responsibility’ and ‘independence’ many times. According to CAMHS I had these skills in abundance- have they vanished?! Did I never have them?! This lack of communication and influx of mixed messages is what they laughingly refer to as person centred care. Let’s summarise:

So far the community mental health team have taught me:

  • I should phone them more often.
  • But if I do I’m being dependent.
  • If I try not to be dependent I’m not being proactive.
  • If people do the wrong thing and hurt me I should have ‘taken responsibility’.
  • If I do ‘take responsibility’ then I should be more cooperative and trust.
  • If I give them trust they will break it.
  • If I didn’t reply to emails I’d be non-compliant.
  • If I send practical emails I’m breaching boundaries and being inappropriate.
  • Despite being a full time resident in my body I am not a professional.
  • Meetings are for professionals.
  • Professionals will make decisions in meetings I don’t know about.
  • I am not being proactive because I’m not making decisions I don’t know I have to make

Basically the only message I am getting loud and clear is that I am a dung beetle to the service. However this analogy does suggest something about the service itself…

I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do because every move I make is wrong.

CMHT- what do you want from me??


(They close for two weeks over Christmas… Ho Ho.. Huh?)