I’m Twenty

Today I turn twenty. Most people will celebrate their 21st birthday as the major milestone, but I’m partying today. Well when I say ‘Partying’… I’m drinking tea and feeling grateful. Partying.

To put it bluntly: I’m here. My teenage years are over and I made it. I got through. I did it. 

This may sound over dramatic, but there were times where it really was a close call. I was so ill that I was trying to end my life. It’s hard to look back, but I am proud of myself now, really bloomin’ proud. Ten year old me wouldn’t have been able to dream up all the things I am doing at the moment. I hit rock bottom, yes, but the only way to go from there is up. I live in fear that the lowest of low will return one day and I won’t be so lucky, but hitting the bottom of the pit turned out to be a catalyst for change.

I feel such relief. Relief that I wasn’t allowed to just die. I am so grateful to those who brushed the dirt from my face, inspired me and believed my life would change. They dreamed of what my life could be like when I couldn’t dream it for myself. They encouraged me no matter how many times I screamed at them to give up. I can’t thank these people enough. You saved me. 

I don’t think anyone could call me mentally well, but it’s not terminal. My illnesses aren’t going to kill me anymore- I can think, do things and meet people.

The day I am editing this (may the 12th) is international nursing day. So from the bottom of my heart thank you to those nurses who gave friendliness along with professionalism. For the hours I’ve had them by my side and for the hours I’ve cried on their shoulders. I’ve met nurses who are unshakable: They can handle any combination of crises and chaos. They are rushed off their feet on busy wards but still pop in to check that you are okay. The best nurses I know give more than just medication, they give genuine love and care to patients.

Mouse Does DBT: STOP Skill

The STOP skill is a way to slow down a crisis. When a trigger happens you can picture the stop sign:

S – Stop. Stop everything right now.

T – Take a step back. Get out of the situation or just give yourself a break.

O – Observe. Observe how you feel, what the situation really is and the sensations it’s giving you. What are other people doing and saying?

P – Proceed Mindfully. Think around the scenario from every angle. Before deciding on an action think of how you feel, how others feel and whether the action you want to do next will make things better or worse.

(Please note that Upside Down Chronicles has no training or therapeutic expertise, only experience. This series ‘Mouse Does DBT’ is to support people going through DBT themselves, or for those interested in the therapy. Please contact your GP if you need further support for mental health problems.)  

Mouse Does DBT: “How” Skills

Week Two brought Mouse to the “How” mindfulness skills. Though Mouse wasn’t sure why they were called that, or how to do them…

Non-judgementally

To be non-judgemental is to be factual and not emotional. Using the wise mind you can disarm the judgemental thoughts that we all have about ourselves or others. The disarmament comes from simply recognising when a thought is a judgement, not a fact.  For example:

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The first two mice are non-judgemental. They are stating facts about the state of the cake. However the third mouse is in emotion mind and is using emotion based judgements to define the cake. It’s really hard to be non-judgemental, particularly if you are so hating of yourself that you see the judgemental thoughts as fact. “I’m ugly.” “I’m stupid”. “I’m worthless”. We all have those pesky thoughts. But by realising that they are judgements rather than truths they can be less upsetting.

One mindfully

Doing things one-mindfully is about using the whole of your awareness in a task. One thing at a time, even if the thing you are doing feels insignificant. Notice the tiny details like the backgrounds of film scenes or how many buttons are on a shirt. One mindfully can be practiced using the ‘what’ skills from last week.

Effectively

Effectiveness is about practice. A lot of practice. Practicing these skills again and again until you become more mindful, and thus more effective.

Next in Mouse Does DBT, Distress Tolerance!

(Please note that Upside Down Chronicles has no training or therapeutic expertise, only experience. This series ‘Mouse Does DBT’ is to support people going through DBT themselves, or for those interested in the therapy. Please contact your GP if you need further support for mental health problems.)