Self Caring When You Are Self Hating

No one ever told me that self hatred would be the thing that stopped me functioning. We talk about depression and anxiety, but their most powerful associate hides in us all. If you have too much of it self hatred is potent. Hating yourself can stop you from getting dressed, eating healthy foods and it can make you punish yourself. The truth is that if you completely loathe who you are it becomes impossible to live in between the lines and complete basic tasks.

The only weapon you can use in combat against self hatred, I’ve been told, is a compassionate approach. It sounds straight forward but if you are a sack full of self deprecation it is really difficult to face the world. By making an effort to self care you can stop yourself deteriorating physically and emotionally.  So you have to make yourself do things that might help- like having a bubble bath or going for a walk outside. You’ve got to do what it takes to make your body feel loved; even if your brain tells you that it isn’t deserved and you feel drained


Self care can range from maintaining the basics of being alive (keeping yourself hydrated, fed and rested) to more creative methods (like putting on some nice moisturiser or buying yourself a treat). It can also mean doing things that simply need doing for the sake of your wellbeing- like tidying up, making phone calls or booking a GP appointment.

I’ve not mastered self care yet. Some days even doing something I really want to do feels painful. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be in my own skin. It doesn’t feel right treating myself nicely when my skin is crawling and I feel so disgusting. But it is a skill that I, and everyone else, should learn. So right now I’m going to try and look after myself until I feel a bit better. If you are feeling bad right now I challenge you to do the same.

A mouse sitting in a chair with her cup of tea and toenails painted. Copyright.

What things do you do to self care?

3 thoughts on “Self Caring When You Are Self Hating

  1. I put together a list of things I need to do each week to help maintain my mental health. For me, these are something creative, something that uses my mind, checking in with myself, seeing people and getting outside. To keep me on track, I have a diary which I use to record what I do in each category each day and then a grid I make in the diary at the end of the week to check I’ve done something in each category during the week. I’ve found this immensely helpful and keep my diary next to my chair so it’s in reach

  2. Your writing always helps. I have started a new drug to add to my pill menu each day…worried about will it make me better or worse. Or no effect. Therefore the self hating begins…..why can’t I live without my pills. Scared of the world and the “normals” that dwell there! So, thank you, my dear. I will try because I know I am not alone!

  3. Self care can be the hardest thing to do. We tell other people that they are loved, or that they have a lot going for them. Perhaps we should tell ourselves this too.

    For me, i like to go to yoga and go to an art class. I also like chatting to a friend as this can help put things in to perspective. I do prefer to care for others though, and find it hard to accept compliments, for example.

    I do hope you feel better soon 🙂

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