I Got Reported Missing

I don’t think when *Cheery Lodge accepted a blind kid and her dog that they expected the duo to be a major abscondssion risk. But- always smashing assumptions, I proved them wrong. 

My escape wasn’t cleverly planned, or even remotely smart. In fact I didn’t even escape- I was already out on leave. I don’t want to go into the details of why I ran but something had snapped inside of me. 

I’ve talked about my problems with Dissociation before, but at the moment it has hit an all time high. I’m finding I lose a lot of time with no memory of what I have done. I drift away and it is incredibly hard to drift back. I’m lucky that my psychiatrist is really on the ball with this kind of thing, he is helping me understand why it happens and helping me get to a more stable place mentally. This will hopefully limit it’s effect on me. Annoyingly I can’t be discharged from hospital until my mind is fully and consciously in control of my body at all times. 

It’s because of this that I don’t remember the build up. I don’t remember how fast I ran or if people were shouting me. It’s like when the cinema screen fades to black. When I came back to my body I had no idea where I was apart from it being green and very, very quiet. My phone was dead and even the ever-knowing Noodle had no idea where we were. 

Eventually I found what sounded like a sports field. Cars were coming in and out of a concrete area and the sound of whistles and footballs being kicked was nearby. 

“Are you okay?” Says a woman.

“No” I reply in tears. “I’ve run away from a hospital”

“What kind of hospital? Who’s dog is this? Where’s the dog from?” She suddenly developed a harsh and panicked tone.

“I can’t see very well.” I mumbled. And then I ran. 

Finally I found my way to a road where, what are the chances, the unit manager caught sight of me from her car on her way home. The police had been out looking for me and staff from the unit had been driving round the area all afternoon. It was accepted that the reason I hadn’t been found was that I was in some kind of woodland away from any streets or roads.

When I turned my phone on I had the following text: 

a text message reads not protectively marked. you have been reported missing. please ring the police on 101 to let us know you are ok

I also had a similar answer phone message. For some reason I didn’t think the police did things like message missing people. ‘Reported missing’ sounds so scary, it shocked me to read. To me I had just been lost. But I suppose my lost is everyone else’s missing patient.

Turns out that the lady I spoke to works at the local vets practice. They were contacted the following day about getting Noodle a routine check up and the receptionist said that one of the partners had mentioned seeing a distressed girl and a Labrador that could have been a guide dog. It makes me laugh that this made worthy news to tell her colleagues but not the local police! 

My disappearance was in no way as dramatic as some of the ones I have witnessed whilst in hospital. I just got lost. I’ve been put on a higher observation level and I’m not allowed out without a member of staff. I feel quite sad about this, but I guess I’m just too ill at the moment. 

I’m not proud of that day. But this blog is my story, and I want people to know just how powerful the brain is and how a problem in the brain can affect people.



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